I forget where we were
by viscountessmary
Summary: Regina and Snow share an emotinal moment in the aftermath of the Shattered Sight curse (one-shot).


I haven't written anything in _so_ long, but this story came to me this afternoon and I just needed to write it. It combines speculation and my headcanon for Regina, but I hope you like it!

Oh, and I must thank the wonderful Lala-Kate for her encouragement and support.

Warning: mentions of marital rape.

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><p>The curse may be gone, but the aftermath is still very much there.<p>

The streets are a mess, the buildings have been wrecked, there is glass and rubbish everywhere. And Snow does not quite know what to do. She did not expect to be mayor and she fears she cannot fix this on her own. But someone can.

"Regina," she calls the woman who's deep in thought in front of her. "Tea?"

It takes a moment for Regina to look up and realize what Snow is saying. She has been looking at the paperwork and reading about everyone's complaints for so long now, but it feels like she has not registered a single word.

Regina does not say a thing, but simply nods and observes as Snow fliches when she reaches for the kettle.

"Still sore?" She asks flatly. There is no mock in her question, no pride like others might have expected. If Snow did not know any better, she would even say there was rue in the way Regina's voice slightly cracked.

"It'll heal," she smiles reassuringly, but it does not reach her eyes. "It's just..."

Before she can finish, Regina is already on her feet, stepping towards her former nemesis, but she stops when Snow briefly hesitates. The look of surprise in the younger woman's eyes stabs Regina in a way she did not expect.

"Let me help," she offers.

Any hesitance is gone as the honest concern in Regina's voice sends a warm feeling through her body. However changed their relationship might be, being able to see these little cracks in Regina's walls is still somewhat astounding.

Snow accepts her former step-mother's touch and feels the pain dissipating as the magic pulses through her wounded arm. For a second, she is ten, safe in this woman's presence like she never thought she might again.

"Thank you," she says as she stares at her arm. The pain is gone.

But Regina does not reply nor looks at Snow, returning quietly to her seat. The silence that hovers over them for the next minutes is not exactly uncomfortable, but somewhat pressing. The curse has brought about much more than broken windows and headaches – it has reopened old, unpleasant wounds.

In spite of the moment they shared back then - of realizing how ridiculous it all seemed now, there in Storybrook - they are both aware of the feelings they can no longer ignore.

But they are also afraid of the repercussions of dealing with ghosts from the past.

"The next time a curse hits," Regina's piercing tone finally breaks the silence, "tell your daughter to mind her own business."

The questioning look in Snow's face tells Regina that she does not quite follow, and the queen almost lets it go. Almost.

She looks down at the now cold tea and fidgets with the cup in her hands. She does not want to look at Snow because she knows exactly what reaction her words will cause, but at the same time, fears what she might see in the other woman's eyes im the aftermath of their latest encounter.

"I'm not _her_ anymore," she states firmly, but her voice cracks at the mention of the person she used to be. "But I locked myself in that vault for a reason."

"Regina," Snow pleads, but the queen doesn't let her finish.

"I didn't want people to see me like that," Regina says sharply, but then her voice becomes barely audible. "The things I could have done," she says more to herself than to the woman in front of her.

"But you didn't," Snow reminds her and covers Regina's hands with her own.

"Regina," she says firmly again, and this time their eyes inevitably meet. "You've come so far. I know who you are – _we_ know who you are."

"No, you don't," she snaps and pulls her hands from Snow's grip. The harshness in her voice surprises both of them, but Snow does not know her. Those words unleash the feelings she has been trying to suppress since the day they were freed from the curse, because _Snow_ does not know her.

"Regina, don't -," Snow mutters, but she does not finish. Don't what? Don't shut me out? Don't put your walls back up? What right does she have to ask that?

But she does not have time to reflect upon that as baby Neal's loud cries echoes from the next room. They are both aware they cannot ignore what just happened, but for now Snow is thankful for the distraction.

Regina, however, is not sure if being alone is preferable at this point.

It is not long until Snow returns with the sleeping baby in her arms though, and the unease is still very much palpable. Regina is staring blankly at the cup in front of her and it troubles Snow not knowing what is in her mind or how to break through her walls.

Regina herself senses Snow's eyes on her, but does not look up. She is reliving memories from a life so distant it hardly seemed real until that damned curse hit. But today, the pain those memories carry is as real as the sleeping baby squirming in Snow's arms and the hatred they nurture scare her enough as to knock her out of breath.

Not hate for Snow White though...

"I was only eighteen," the words leave her mouth before she has a chance to think.

Snow looks up from her baby's sleeping face and is rendered speechless by the hurt borne in Regina's eyes.

"I was only eighteen," she repeats in a way that only increases Snow's uneasiness. "I tried to stop him. I told him to stop, but he wouldn't listen."

Every inch of her body bruns with the admission as years of pain and silence rush back to her mind. It is as if she could feel his tight grip on her wrists, his hands over her mouth stifling her cries, the weight of his body crushing her own...

She wants to scream.

"My father," Snow says and it's not a question.

Regina's entire body is trembling, but she must not stop. She knows she must take this step if she is to redeem herself one day.

But she cannot speak.

No, not yet.

She does not want Snow to see her red eyes or her trembling limbs, so she stands up and turns away before mustering the nerve to go on. In the meantime, she is glad for the space Snow gives her as she braces herself and fights against the tears that pool in her eyes.

"You were a part of him," she murmurs at last.

Snow hugs her son close, relishing his warmth against her breast. She is afraid her knees might buckle if not for the sleeping infant in her arms.

She cannot quite describe the rush of emotion that runs through her body as Regina's words echoe in her mind.

"It was more than Daniel," she acknowledges and Regina nods.

"I wanted to get rid of every part of him, I wanted to _hurt_ him," she admits. "And he loved _you_."

"Regina," Snow steps closer in an unforeseen urge to hug this woman who has brought on so much sorrow in the past. She reaches a hand out, but falters at the last moment.

"I did blame you for Daniel," Regina whispers and encircles herself tighter, "but I also blamed you for _that_ life."

"I tried to fight, to stop him, but... by the time I was able to, I had already chosen evil," the admission burns in her throat and she is overcome by a need to be alone. Being there, looking at this woman, reflecting upon everything after so many years... it _hurts_. And she just wants to be alone.

Regina turns to look at Snow, but does not find her voice. What is there left to say? The queen's eyes, however, tell what words cannot, and for the first time Snow sees her not as a mother nor as the Evil Queen.

"Regina," she cries when the woman reaches the door. For the first time, Snow sees both a broken woman and a survivor. "I'm sorry."

"So I am," Regina whispers and closes the door behind her.

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><p>Plase share your thoughts! :) x<p> 


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